Million thoughts, million words. So much I'd love to say, so hard to put it into words. You know the mind wonders so many things, and we have no answers.
I was talking today all day to one of my really clothes friends, one of my best friends actually. We've been talking everyday for hours, about everything and anything. We all have this little part of ourselves in the dark, and let everyone else see what the light shows, what the picture shows, what the videos show. And out of people's sight we have internal battles, we have so many thoughts crammed in the back of our mind. Just trying to figure out not only people that surrounds you, but mainly yourself. I've never felt so confused about myself. But I've never been so clear about who I am as I am right now.
This blog seems rather pointless, but there are a lot of things that are in my heart. I did quite a good job with the album, and song writer, but somehow I feel like people still would not understand where I come from. Because there are many things that aren't noticed when you read between the lines. That's always going to happen though because usually a song becomes your own song, your own feelings, and that's amazing. That's the power of a song, that even if you don't fully understand what the author means by what their saying, you still relate, or make the song your own. There are so many emotions to share and sometimes you feel like you just can't, no matter how hard you try. But you know you'll always have at least ONE person that understands.
I want to talk a little bit about my songs, that are my feelings put into words. This new records, it means so much to me. All these songs have such a meaning behind, everytime I sing any of these songs every single part of my body tenses up, and my voice just flows with the feelings. Every word I sing, I mean it. That's why you see me get so into every song, because I feel every single word I sing. Every note I play.
Who I Am: My main song, the song I wanted to release first because I wanted to introduce myself. I wanted to say what I wanted, I want to be loved, needed as I am, just how I am. Not how people sees me, not how pictures see me. I'm in the moment of knowing myself more, I'm recognizing who I am and what I live for. No matter what I want to be loved, and have that intimate relationship with my fans where they understand me, and love my music, and enjoy the soul of it. Who I Am is more an upbeat song, but it has so much feeling in it. Because I'm introducing myself for the first time, exposing myself in front of people. And its always a scary feeling.
Rose Garden: It's the first song I recorder for this record. I love this song, I'm so proud of it. This song is about someone that's been in a rough spot ever since she was a little girl. About keeping their head up high no matter what's being thrown in the way. It's one of the many songs I hope people feel related to. This song is truly special for me, and I hope you get the meaning behind this song, and how I brought into a song such a beautiful person. I hope you see how it is so beautiful.
Olive And An Arrow: This song is more soul, rather than rock. Is raw, and I wrote it during a hard time I had with someone. Mainly about... feeling lied to, and you KNOW you're being lied to but really want this person to realize that you know, and that you're hurting from it. And that after everything you've been through, you're left with an Olive and An arrow, which is kind of a metaphor to having an aching heart and a the arrow that went through it, which is the pain in a way.
While The World Is Spinning: Its a heartfelt song, also written a while ago. It is kind of upbeat, but the lyrics and the raw rock in the beat. It gives it that feelings that you know what I'm talking about, that you know what's going on. Being hurt and being left in the rain, and well this little lyric explains it "Everyone has to lie sometimes, do you know what its like to make up your mind, tell me do you know who's innocent while the world is spinning". Just being afraid of what they think about you, and what they're gonna say so you feel the need to lie. So you don't get hurt over again.
State Of Emergency: Many people found this song rather sexual, many jumped into conclusions into who it is about. And once again, who is about guys is NOT important. The importance is the meaning in the song, how desperate someone can get to get out of their hands, and be free'd. I wrote this with help of a friend. We kind of felt related, and felt like we were under a charm at the time. And this is how it came out. It's a fun song to play, and I'm sure SO many of you can relate.
Conspiracy Theory: Its a song mainly about hiding, again, not being able to say something because your afraid. This is actually one of my favorites, its really has a Rock and Roll feel to it, its really fun to perform. I hope you enjoy that song.
Stronger: Who doesn't have someone close to them that make you feel stronger? This song is about having that person that you need in your life very much, no matter what. And no matter what they do, they make you feel strong. Whether is a family member, a best friend, or maybe all those people in your life make you feel stronger. Always having someone that has your back and you know you can count on them to make you feel strong.
In The End: This song is about someone that took something that wasn't theirs. About ruining their on future and how their actions will end up haunting them.
Vespers Goodbye: I've gone through this, not exactly about ME necessarily, but feeling that someone is actually GONE from the face of earth forever, being so scared that you don't know what to do and you feel like this is goodbye, and you pray and its such a nauciating feeling. Like they'll be gone forever, and all you have left to do is say goodbye and lay down to sleep.
"Slowly turning back
Like a bullet through the chest
Lay me down to rest,
A lover's final breath
And then I kiss your tender lips goodbye
Pray to God he hears my cry"
Last Time Around: This is a fun song, I love it. I love performing and being able to play the guitar on stage. A relationship you had and you're kind of telling them "You'll remember the fun we had last time around" and is just a fun song, its really catchy and the lyrics are awesome.
Stay: This song means so much to me, the day I wrote it I was going through a hard time with a person really close to me. Feeling like we were losing touch and fading. It doesn't have to be necessarily about being IN love with this person, just loving them very much. Needing them to be there for you, and tell them that you'll stay and to please stay, because time can run out and we won't have the chance to say or do things for each other.
(PLEASE, once again, stop fighting over who this is about, just enjoy this song)
All these songs mean so much to me. This project, this feelings is something thats been in my heart for SO long, and even though I LOVE my brothers, I wanted to do this on my own. I wanted to show a side of me no one has seen.
Everyday I have these internal battles with myself, memories. So many things that go on in my life, that I wish I could let out in a way that I don't let out too much. And this time was perfect.
My own heart is a puzzle piece to me, and while it IS hard to cope with that stuff, with your own heart, with your own feelings. There is this side that you KNOW completely, and makes me feel happy. That's why I go out of my way to express how happy I am in my nickjonas account. Because I feel so happy to be able to share my feelings, to be able to show myself to you guys. I love you, I'm so lucky and so happy for this opportunity YOU offered me.
I want to also say thanks to an special person, that's actually been SO amazing to me these last few days, and that I love them with all my heart. That I'm right here for them, and just that they're so special to me.
Also to another special person, thanks for being the best friend anyone can ask for. You're amazing, and I love you, too. Very much.
WELL I hope you don't hate me for th length of this blog! haha! really though, thank you all!
Going back to rehearsals!
P.S. Mirrors are nothing but a reflection of your body, your words are a reflection of your lies, and your eyes are a reflection of your feelings.